Love Is All You Need

A few weeks ago, I gave a talk in my ward's sacrament meeting. The topic was Love at Home, and was based on these great talks:

"More Diligent and Concerned at Home" by Elder David A. Bednar

"For Peace at Home" by Elder Richard G. Scott

I despise giving talks based on other talks. I'd much rather write a talk about a general topic or a scripture. Because of this, I usually try to just take the basic idea from the talks, mash them up, and add things to make it personal.

In this case, I had been prepping for a few weeks, and I had the talk totally written by the night before. However, the morning of, I suddenly got the feeling that I needed to shift focus a little bit. I felt very strongly that I needed to focus on an aspect of both talks, which was that we should be showing love at home as an example to people who may not have the same values as us. And the funny thing was, I got a clear picture of a woman from my ward in my head. For anonymity's sake, we'll refer to her as Maude. Not because she looks like a young Bea Arthur (although, she kind of does - just a little bit), but I just like the name.

Here's what you should know about Maude.

Maude was (is?) my wife's visiting teacher. At one point, she also worked with my wife, Lauren, in a position within the church. When discussing the fact that they needed more people to help one night over frozen yogurt, the name of someone else in our ward was brought up, to which Maude essentially responded "But s/he supports gay marriage. I will never work with somebody who supports gay marriage."

After trashing on her/him and others who support gay marriage, Lauren finally said "Maude, I support gay marriage." Maude was flabbergasted and sat there speechless for a moment before declaring the meeting over and telling everyone to go home.

Maude has not been visiting teaching in our home since.

Not too long ago, Maude spoke in sacrament meeting, and turned her topic into a hate-filled rant on gay marriage. Lauren had taken Lucy out because she was fussing (don't blame you, kid!), which left me to suffer in silence by myself. When Maude's husband got up to speak after her and seemed to be following her up, I got up and left. I've never walked out of a church meeting before, but I couldn't stay and listen to what I viewed as hate being shared over the pulpit.

There are many other stories I could share about how hate-filled Maude appears to be, or how she constantly tears down others in our ward, but I think that gives you the basic idea without destroying her anonymity.

When Maude's face kept popping up in my head all day, I decided I needed to go ahead and do what I was feeling prompted to do. I switched the focus of my talk JUST enough to fit the message I felt I needed to share. I decided to talk about my amazing Les Mis cast and how we were able to form a family. I talked about how that family had Mormons, Catholics, athiests, homosexuals, and more - and yet we all came together and loved each other and accomplished amazing things. I talked about how both of the apostles whose talks I was referencing had said that we should be inviting people into our homes. I shared examples I had collected on Facebook of how friends show love within their families. It wasn't the best talk I had ever given, but I feel it got my point across.

When I stood up and began talking, I had a clear view of Maude. At first, she seemed fine. Certainly not captivated, but not disinterested either. I began by saying that the topic of love has been on my mind a lot lately, as I've been working on projects that are all about love, which is true. Then, I dared to have the nerve to say that because of issues like gay rights and the Ordain Women movement, I've been seeing some people I love spew hate towards others that I love, and I'm tired of seeing them tear each other apart and finding ways to justify their hatred.

As soon as I said that, it became obvious that this may not be the talk people thought they would be hearing. I saw some perk up, I saw some tune out, I saw some with no change at all, and I saw Maude dramatically roll her eyes, heave a sigh, and slouch in her seat.

Throughout the talk, I kept an eye on Maude. It was comical; not unlike a 6 year old throwing a tantrum. Now, I could have been reading it wrong. Maybe she was reacting to her children. Maybe she was having a hard time deciding what to make for dinner that day. Maybe I had a massive asteroid of a booger hanging from my nose, and she was horrified that I wasn't feeling it and reaching for the tissues.

I never once declared my support for gay rights. I never once declared support for feminism. All I said was that I was tired of seeing people I love tearing down other people I love. I don't think I did anything wrong, but Maude appeared to disagree.

After the meeting, Maude approached Lauren and said "So...your husband spoke in sacrament today. That was.............fun........."

Fun.

Addressing the topic that is the root of the entire gospel and sharing beautiful examples of people displaying that was "fun." And not even fun, but a sarcastic, eye-rolled fun.

After the talk, I wasn't upset. I thought it was quite comical to see the reaction. I'm still not mad. I am, however, frustrated. There are a plethora of negative stereotypes about Mormons, and it bothers me to see how many people perpetuate them.

How can so many people insist on forgetting the basics of the gospel? How can people claim to be Christian, and yet throw away the simplest way to be like the Savior? If Christ was here today, I highly doubt He would be ranting about how disgusting homosexuality is. I'm pretty sure He wouldn't be slut-shaming anyone. I'm pretty sure He wouldn't be using the Priesthood as an excuse to put down the fairer sex. If we've actually read the scriptures, we know He would do the opposite of all those things. Every person is a child of God and deserves to be treated as such.

Last fall, we had the privilege of attending the first ever Utah County Pride Festival. One of my favorite things at the event was a booth by the group Mormons Building Bridges, which advertised free hugs from Mormons. What a simple yet powerful way to reach out to those unlike us! Instead of focusing on differences as a negative thing, people were putting aside their differences and beliefs and just sharing love.

I don't hate people like Maude. They frustrate me, and they do give a lot of reason to be angry. But mostly, I just feel sorry for them. When they are giving out nothing but hate, I think it may have something to do with a lack of love in their own lives. People like that could probably use their own hug from a Mormon. And as much as I struggle to love people (introvert alert), I'm going to do my best to offer those free hugs. Whether actual hugs, verbal, emotional, or even cyber, I'm going to do my best to give those.

Even to Maude.