Letters

Dear IRS,

I had to pay less than I ever have this year. That was nice. I hope you enjoyed my check with The Flash on it.

Sincerely,

Jeremy

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Dear Utah State Tax Commission,

I had to pay more than I EVER have to you this year. Literally 10 times more than last year. I hate you. I hope you got the message I was sending with the Wonder Woman check.

Hatefully yours,

Jeremy

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Dear Former Students,

I give up. I don’t know how to make you care. I don’t understand how you can claim to be “drama nerds” and yet you don’t give a flying #$%* about your work. Granted, there are a handful of you who really do care, and it shows. I helped you get to state, but I can’t hold your hand and drag you any longer. I officially don’t care any more. Even if your show IS kick-@$$. I will come to see the show on Friday, but I refuse to spend two hours on a bus with you. Especially after the shrewish girls were so rude and disrespectful to me and left while I was trying to give notes tonight. Also the kid who keeps forgetting things snapped at me when I asked him if he had placed all of his props and was ready to go on, and then walked on WITHOUT THE EFFING MONKEY’S PAW because he “forgot” to get it. The show is now officially called The Empty Hand. I hope you do well at state, even though I know full-well that you won’t learn any lesson about teamwork and investing in your work.

With next-to-no-love,

Mr. Showgren

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Dear Future Students,

Heads up: if you don’t care about our shows, I won’t either. I will cancel them, punks! PLEASE don’t make me get to that point. I haven’t met you yet, but I believe in you!

Cordially,

Mr. Showgren

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Dear Makers of the Movie Airplane!

Thank you. Thank you SO much. I’m probably going to stay up WAY too late tonight watching your product, and it is much needed.

Seriously,

Shirley

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Dear Career Services Department,

Thank you so much for the scolding form letter (for which you graciously took the time to add my name to the Word document) about how I missed an appointment for an interview. I’m so glad you recommended that I write a letter of apology to the interviewer, because I didn’t already think to do that on my own. Nor did I send it a week ago, right after I found out that you hadn’t canceled my appointment per my request. Thank you for that! At least if I had been smart enough to send a letter on my own, I also would have been smart enough to point out that it was YOUR fault I missed the appointment. If it messes up my chances of getting hired in either district for which you’ve now messed up my cancelations, I will be sure to send you a scolding form letter. I may go the extra mile, though, and save the letter as a more personal pdf, and not just a doc.

Sod off,

Jeremy

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Dear Amazon,

I’m getting antsy waiting for my Doubt and The Spirit blu-rays. I’m also getting antsy waiting for my Pride and Prejudice and Zombies book. I ordered all of these weeks ago. I understand that you can’t ship them until they’re released, but they’ve all been released now. Also, I got a shipping notice for Doubt over a week ago. Why isn’t it here yet? I’m sending Sister Aloysious after you.

Impatiently,

Jeremy

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Dear Charlie Brown Cast,

Keep up the good work. You’re making progress. Make the progress FASTER now, please. Also brace yourself: tomorrow is the annual “Jeremy has fun with sound effects on the track” day.

Happily,

Jeremy

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Dear Disneyland,

See you in a month and a half!

Excitedly yours,

Jeremy

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Dear Blog Readers,

I’m sorry you had to slug through all of that. Today really sucked, and I had to get it out somewhere. Thanks for indulging me.

Love,

Jeremy

Blargh!

This may make absolutely no sense. It's another really tired/stream of consciousness post.

Sometimes, I think I'm really clever and post a year in review blog, and then find out that Chris Clark beat me to the punch. And now it looks like I stole his idea, and I'm one of the many other groupies that do everything to be just like him. At least I know that I started writing mine last week in Word, and if anyone questions me, I have the file to prove it.

I'm watching Run, Fatboy, Run and I'm pleasantly surprised. I think that's what happens when I have really low expectations. Also, Simon Pegg is one funny man. Because of him, I might actually see the new Star Trek. I'd see it for J.J. Abrams, but I'm still angry at him over Fringe.

For Christmas, Teri gave me a gift card to Build-a-Bear and a Batman costume for a bear. Today, we went to build my bear. His name is Bruce, and he growls like a tiger. You may think that a tiger growl coming out of a panda bear is a little ridiculous, but it's really no more ridiculous than Christian Bale's Batman voice.

I really like my new phone. Especially the camera part. It takes AWESOME pictures. It drains the battery to take such awesome pictures, though. I don't like that part so much.

I sure do like How I Met Your Mother. I think it was Entertainment Weekly that I was reading where a critic said that it was as good as Friends. I don't agree, and I think he was just saying that because it was a cool thing to say. However, I rather enjoy that show. And I may or may not have a small crush on Cobie Smulders. Mostly when she's dressed as Robin Sparkles, though. Speaking of Robin Sparkles, I introduced Bristol to "Let's Go To the Mall" today. He rather enjoyed it, so I promised him we could watch the music video the next time he comes over.

My nephew Traven is a crazy dancer. I was at his house for a minute the other night, and his dad put on Little Einsteins, which is apparently like American Bandstand for toddlers. He was freaking out like Sarah Jessica Parker and Helen Hunt in Girls Just Want to Have Fun. And his dance moves are getting quite advanced. He was doing a kind of pelvic thrust while his left hand was waving up and down, and his right hand was turning in the air like he was lassooing. I bet he can dance better than any other 1 year old, and if I were his parent, I'd totally be pimping that on some kind of reality show.

I have a huge internet crush right now. It's not like a creepy one, like where I have to worry that she's really a 50 year old man named Harold or anything. I've spent time with her in person, and while I thought she was cute and fun, it's her web persona that really gets me. It's kind of Shop Around the Cornerish. Except instead of letters, we use the internet. Someone should make a movie about that. And Edith Bunker can be her cute old surrogate mother.

Do people with other accents dislike their native accent as much as I do? I hate the way people in Utah talk. HATE.

The seafood enchilada I had for dinner made a big deal on the menu about how it had "real" crab meat. This leads me to be suspicious that it was not, in fact, "real". Also, the fact that I keep burping up the taste of pollock. That's pretty much strike three against that restaurant. I highly DON'T recommend Mi Ranchito on State Street in Sandy.

I finally found a copy of Lemony Snicket's A Lump of Coal today. I'm going to read it before bed. I actually found a few of them, so Teri bought one, too. Had I just found one, I would have kept it for myself. I'm very selfish that way.

I really want to go see The Spirit again. If I get time to see the other movies I wanted to see this week, I just might. Wanna come?