Sock It To Me!!!

Now that I've taken stagecraft classes and have gotten decent at building and painting things, I have a new project in mind. I've decided that I'm going to build myself a joke wall, à la Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In. How fun would that be if you came to visit me, and we could pop out of random, oddly-shaped windows and tell each other stupid jokes?! Don't even pretend that you don't want to do that. The jokes don't even have to be funny.

However...you may have realized that the biggest problem with a joke wall is that it has to be fully stocked with people. If you came to visit me by yourself, we might not have that much fun. So, I plan to make some of the people who read my blog come and live behind my joke wall. Here is a sample of what might go on:

Me: Hey, Teri!
Teri: Yes?
Me: There are 2 muffins in an oven and one of them yells "Dang, it's hot in here!" The other muffin replies "Holy Crap, a talking muffin!"
Teri: That's just much ado about muffin!

(Canned Laughter, which will come from speakers that I'll build into the wall)

Heidi T.: Hey, Holly!
Holly: Yo!
Heidi T.: Since you went on a mission to Taiwan, would you like to hear a Chinese proverb?
Holly: Would I ever!
Heidi T.: Confucius say "Man who stand on toilet [pause for comedic timing] is high on pot."
Holly: I don't get it.
Heidi T.: Better get off the toilet!!!

(Canned Laughter)

Emily: Oh, Matthew?
Matt: Yes, Trash?
Emily: How did the blonde get hurt drinking milk?
Matt: How DID the blonde get hurt drinking milk?
Emily: The cow fell on her. HA!
Kelly (Popping out of the floor, not the wall): Hey! I heard that.
Matt: Good to see that the cow didn't mess up your hearing!!!

(Canned Laughter)

Teri: Knock Knock!
Natalie: Who's there?
Teri: Wanda.
Natalie: Wanda who?
Teri: Wanda buy some Girl Scout cookies?
Natalie: Are they made from real Girl Scouts?!

(Canned Laughter)

Taryn: Knock Knock!
Megan: Who's there?
Taryn: Dexter.
Megan: Dexter who?
Taryn: Dexter halls with boughs of Holly.
Holly: I resent that!

(Canned Laughter)

April: Pssssssst! Jeremy!
Me: Is this wall leaking air?
April: No! What's the last thing that goes through a fly's mind when it hits a windscreen?
Me: What IS the last thing that goes through a fly's mind when it hits a windscreen?
April: Its arse!
Me: Only you, April.

(Canned Laughter)

Heidi C.: Hey, Heather!
Heather: Uh...do I know you?
Heidi C.: No, but listen - Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other "Funny, I smell carrots too."
Heather: You sure "nose" what's funny!!!

(Canned Laughter)

Sarah: Oh....President Nixon?
President Nixon: Yes, Sarah Culp?
Sarah: Did you hear about the one-legged waitress?
President Nixon: No, I did not hear about the one-legged waitress.
Sarah: She works at IHOP!!!
President Nixon: I am in Hell...
Sammy Davis, Jr.: Here come the judge!
Goldie Hawn: Sock it to me! (She is punched in the face, and the collagen in her lips ruptures)

(Canned Laughter)
(End Credits Music)

SEE!!! Wouldn't it be fun? After it's built, I'll invite you all over to help me paint it. To be honest, though, I don't know that I can get President Nixon or Sammy Davis Jr. to be part of the wall. Goldie Hawn needs the work, though.