Textual Healing

Sometimes I get texts that either make me laugh really hard, get really angry, or just make me want to reach right out and hug the person who sent them to me. When this happens, I save them, and then when I'm bored, I'll go through and read them. I used to just save memorable texts on my phone, but when I replaced my phone last year, I lost some that I had been saving for as long as three years (including the one where a girl told me that she couldn't come to Bye Bye Birdie rehearsal because she was going to the ER to have a mole checked - after she went to the rodeo).

So, just to be safe, I'm saving some on my blog. Also, I'm posting some of the best responses I've gotten from ChaCha, since I've become addicted to it in the last couple weeks. Sidenote: there are other texts I have saved, but they're too personal to post on a blog. Or I've already done them in the course of a vent. :)


From Trash Ball, in response to my question of whether or not she'd be uncomfortable eating at Hooters: "As long as it won't be awkward for me, a girl, to ask the waitress for something like grilled chicken breast but hold the chicken"

From Trash again, this time in response to me teasing her that some guy was her boyfriend: "I'm keeping my options open. I mean, my tryst in Scotland has made me realize I can't just settle down, you know."

From an anonymous girl who I may or may not have dated recently: "I'm late. ( sorry."
(EEEK!)

From Dave Tinney, in response to my telling him that I had hopefully solved a problem: "That's why you are Jeremy Showgren."


And now.....CHACHA!

Me: Where do babies come from? Because my mom won't tell me.
ChaCha: Babies are made from sperm and egg cells, supplied by your father and mother. Then, a baby grows in the mother for 9 months

Me: Why did the chicken cross the road?
ChaCha: Chickens in the U.S. have recently been spotted crossing the road to find a cheaper gas station. Go figure.

Me: If I met Sarah Palin, would she be my new BFF?
ChaCha: ChaCha Crystal Ball says: Signs point to yes.

Me: What will the Great Pumpkin bring me this year?
ChaCha: Lots and lots of goodies! But only if you've been very good!

Me: Is Amanda Bakly secretly in love with me?
ChaCha: Is this person "accidentally" running into you in places where he or she knows you will be? If so, he or she may like you!

Me: If he buys me the lobster, do I have to put out?
ChaCha: You never have to put out, no matter what someone gives you or expects from you. It is a completely personal choice. ChaCha on!

Me: Who is Jeremy Showgren?
ChaCha: Jeremy D. Showgren works in theater. Since 2004 he has worked for Center Stage Youth Performers.

Me: How can I make Jodie Foster love me?
ChaCha: Jodie Foster is a lesbian, so your best bet is to be female. Besides that, she seems to like movie/tv producers.

Me: Is it wrong to fantasize about Michael Moore?
ChaCha: While Michael Moore may not be conventionally sexy, it's okay to fantasize about anything and everything! He's strong and smart!

Me: Would you still be my friend if I was a Scientologist?
ChaCha: Yes, we would have an instant relationship if you were a Scientologist.

(While sitting in the audience of Comedy Sportz, as the show was starting)
Me: What are some good ideas for an audience member to shout out at an improv show?
ChaCha: Anyone is free to shout out an improv show. You could suggest themes like bananas, hippies, or IBC Cream Soda!
(We used hippies, and it resulted in a sketch that got two players AND Mitch brown bagged.)

(Shortly after Mitch got brown bagged)
Me: Who is Mitch Hall?
ChaCha: Mitch Hall is a radical vegan, ecofeminist, nonviolent, anarchist writer and sociologist.

Me: Is it appropriate to sing along with an outdoor production of Sweeney Todd if I know all the words?
ChaCha: If you're not disturbing the people around you, sing your heart out!