Tonight, I had the privilege to visit with my friend, Jann, who I haven't seen in MONTHS. While I was at her house, I had the most fun experience I've had in ages, and I have to share.
When we were busy catching up, the phone rang. Jann told me I could answer it in a goofy manner, because we thought it was a certain person calling. So, I answered it. It was a telemarketing survey. Right away, I decided to have fun with the girl, but in a nice, "fun for everybody" kind of way. So, in somewhat chronological order (as best as I can remember) here are some funny (and some not-as-funny) parts of our conversation. It's not the best writing ever, but I'm just doing it to document events. I told Jann to read this and respond if she remembered something that I didn't. Feel free, Lilyflower! By the way, the story is probably funnier if you imagine me actually saying these things in my most excited tone EVER!
*When she asked me to tell her what age category I fit into, I made her repeat all of the selections a second time. Then, I said "Which was the one that had 'twenty-something?'" She responded "18 to 24; and 25 to 34" to which I said "Oh. What's the next one?" She said "35 to 45," and I said "THAT ONE!"
*She told me that the survey was about using the computer to shop online (I'm pretty sure it was research for eBay), and right after she started she said "Oh, I'm sorry. Hold on, please. My computer's giving me problems," to which I responded "Wow! Your computer's giving you problems while giving a survey about using the computer online? How ironic!"
*She asked me what websites I've ever heard of that you can shop on, and I said "Oh! That one that has commercials on the TV with William Shatner!" She said she didn't know that one, and I said "You know! William Shatner!"
*She asked if I'd ever heard of eBay, and I said "Yeah! They do the TV commercials with the eBay song. You know, 'Get it on eBay.'" Yes. I actually sung it. She said "Yeah, that's eBay."
*At one point, she asked me to imagine that eBay and walmart.com were people and I was talking to them. I started laughing hysterically, and said "That's CRAZY!" in my best Brian Fellow impression. She laughed, too, and said "Yeah. This IS a weird question." Then, after she listened to me laugh for a good 20-30 seconds, I said "Okay. I'm sorry." And then she said "Okay. So imagine the websites are talking to you..." and I laughed again, but not for as long.
*She asked me at one point if I had found interesting things to buy on eBay and I said "OOH! One time, a friend sent me a link to a rag that had Britney Spears' sweat on it!" She laughed and said "Ew! That's gross! Weird!" and I said "I bid on it. That doesn't make me a bad person does it?" She assured me it didn't and I said "I just wanted to frame it and put it in my front room as a nice conversation piece. I thought it would be a GREAT conversation piece." She said "I'm sure that would evoke A LOT of conversation."
*She asked me if I would describe eBay as friendly and I said "Not really. Some people outbid me just to make me mad." She said "Yeah! I know what you mean, and I hate it! One time, I was bidding on this really great comforter that I REALLY wanted, and I got outbid. I was SO mad!" I gasped and said "Did Britney sleep on it?!" She laughed and said no. And then a minute later, her computer stalled again, and to kill time, she asked me what other crazy Britney things I had found on eBay. I told her "I don't really remember any other than the sweat rag, but some of them are just weird! She's hot, though. Her husband's kind of gross, though."
*When she asked if I had seen or heard any eBay advertisements, I got really excited and said "Yeah! The eBay commercials with the eBay song!" And I sang the chorus again. She said "Great!" but instead of letting her move on to the next question, I said "You know, that's actually an old Frank Sinatra song, only it was called 'My Way' and it said 'I did it my way!' And they changed it to 'Get it on eBay!'" She actually sounded interested and said "REALLY?! I actually didn't know that!" To which I responded "Yeah. And Celine Dion covered it, too." "Really?!" "Yeah. But she sang the original version, not the eBay version." She laughed.
*She asked me if I had heard of a random list of websites. "rent.com" "rant.com?!" "No, rent.com. Like the movie." I gasped, "LIKE THE MUSICAL?!" She said "Yeah. I love that movie." And I burst out into "Five hundred, twenty-five thousand, six hundred minutes...." She laughed and said "I cried at that movie." I said "Oh, my gosh! The funeral scene?!" And she got excited and said "Yes!" I said "Jesse L. Martin is a freaking genius." "Yes! So, have you ever heard of 'rent.com?'" "No. Does it have stuff about the movie?" "I don't know." "Okay. Well, I'm going to go there now and see if there's stuff about the movie. I want you to know that if there's not, I'm holding you personally responsible." She laughed. (It's nothing about the movie. It's an eBay site with housing rental information.)
*When she was finishing up the survey, she thanked me for my time and I said "You know what? I'm going to watch Rent now. You've inspired me!" She said "I wish I could watch Rent right now!" I said "You're probably not close enough that you can just come over and watch it with us." She laughed and agreed, and then I burst out singing "With a thousand sweet kisses, I'll cover you..." in my BEST Jesse L. Martin impression. She laughed and thanked me again.
So, tonight, I hope the telemarketing girl had HALF as much fun as I did. Jann seemed to enjoy it quite a bit, too. I'm sure I've forgotten half of it already, but oh, well. Sometimes, I'm a spaz, and I LOVE IT!!!
PS- I really could give a rat's butt about Britney Spears. I mean she's a nice girl and all, well, she's a girl anyway...
PPS- For anybody worrying about my honesty, the only question I didn't answer honestly was the age question, but I answered it honestly for the homeowner of the place they called, so technically, I didn't lie! 
EDIT #1
I remembered something else!!!! She kept asking me questions and then when I'd say something like "Maybe" or "somewhat" she'd say "Yes or no only, please." After two questions in a row like that, on the third she asked another and I said "Purple!" She was quiet for a second and said "Purple?" and I said "HA! I'm just kidding. Yes."
EDIT #2
When she asked me what my favorite website was, I said "Um....I'm uncomfortable sharing that information." She was quiet for a minute and said "...okay..." Then I said "Ooh! Ooh! Can I tell you my SECOND favorite?!"
EDIT #3
When we were talking about eBay at some point relatively early on in the conversation, she asked what I knew about selling things on eBay. I got really excited and said "OH! I saw a movie once where a lady had a store where you could take her all your stuff and she'd sell it on eBay." She didn't laugh and obviously didn't get the reference. Sheesh! Some people...
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